The Need to Disconnect from Social Media
We are tied to our google calendars, running agendas and social media feeds. Our days are split into endless tasks that make us tired and angry, most of which never produce any real benefits. We life-hack our way to supposedly becoming more efficient, yet that efficiency is never translated into peace of mind or happiness. We have become zombies, disconnected from body and mind, our bodies trained to go through habitual motions while our minds remain in a fog, cocooned in incessant chatter and anxiety.
We have created two realities for ourselves - our self in real life and our virtual self. Both run in parallel, and for the most part, have prioritized our virtual self while disregarding our organic being. Our online personality has become our aspirational self, an avatar we’ve assembled based on criteria and traits we are too insecure to become in real life. Hiding behind a screen, we have created a simulated life and a warped perception of who we really are.
In keeping up with this falsehood, we have become needy of others, constantly demanding to be validated and acknowledged. We hack our reality for more likes and comments and sacrifice our values to keep the social media algorithm gods happy. I think it’s interesting as a society we are afraid of machine learning robots taking our jobs, yet we happily hand over our consciousness on social media, for it to do no other thing but to categorize us into data points, which will ultimately allow it to learn how to be like us.
But our warped reality doesn’t only apply to social media. It also applies to email and the way we manage other apps. For me, my email self is fast, curt, and demanding, while my Google calendar has perfectly chopped my day into cookie cutter blocks with tasks and events, most of which don’t affect my life in a positive way.
Those of us who recognize we’re sick, unhappy, and emotionally starved give ourselves tiny doses of time to find refuge in meditation studios or yoga classes, but the equanimity we gain during our practice is quickly extinguished by the furious demands of our reality.
So what can we do to unplug? Can we disconnect when our virtual self can sometimes feel more real than who we really are? Can both worlds coexist in harmony? Or better yet, can our virtual life be an extension of our actual selves instead of an alternative personality altogether? Do we truly have the power to let go of that personality?
Instead of taking a dose of fake happy, we need to learn to live with our feelings, give them our undivided attention and honor both the good and the bad.
I will remain hopeful and say we can. But before we can find a solution, we have to truly understand the problem. One of the main factors that keep us disconnected is the need to preserve the ego. The fear we will disappear without it. Our virtual world has become our happy pill, the place we go when the feeling of insecurity and loneliness gets the best of us.
Instead of taking a dose of fake happy, we need to learn to live with our feelings, give them our undivided attention and honor both the good and the bad. We need to sit with all versions of ourselves and build a relationship with our incomplete, flawed selves. We need to take our disconnected self and glue the pieces back together with gratitude and self-care and reflect back love into the world.
So how do we start?
1. Develop a meditation practice
There’s plenty of research that shows the benefits of meditation. It’s probably all over your social media feed. In essence, a mindfulness practice strengthens your mind to become more present in the now and allows you to build a stronger connection between body and mind. It’s more important that you maintain a daily practice than to worry about how long you are practicing for. For example, A 5-minute practice is more effective than a 30-minute practice you rarely give yourself time for.
2. Keep a gratitude journal
There are many reasons to keep a gratitude journal. But in short, it makes you less of an asshole. If you are always noticing the good instead of the bad, you change your perception of how you see the world. Like Einstein said, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” A good way to begin is by writing down 3 things you are grateful for each day.
3. Put boundaries around your app usage
Look at yourself as an addict...because you are. We are all addicted to social media. So put boundaries around it. The average user opens a social media app several times a day so you’re not alone. We are all struggling. Find comfort in that fact. To start, give yourself realistic and achievable goals. For example, give yourself a goal to reduce your app usage by 10%, instead of immediately giving yourself a goal to only open your social media apps once a week. Studies show realistic, smaller goals are easier to achieve and motivate you to maintain them over time. OKR’s amirite.
4. Understand who your authentic self is
I think this is the most important. Do you know what your values are? If not, you should take some time to understand what they are. This really hit me when I went on my ayahuasca journey a couple of weeks ago. One of my favorite bad movies ever, Sucker Punch, has a line that sums up this point. The General says, “If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.” You don’t want to be the dork that stands for anything. Know what you stand for and filter out the noise that doesn't work for you. Instead of trying to act based on the person you should be, honor your intuition and values and follow your own instincts when making decisions. Ultimately, you are the one living with the consequences of those actions, so make sure you act with conviction when choosing a life.
5. Marie Kondo your social media
Does everyone you follow on social media spark joy? Probably not. We love to follow those who make us the most insecure and compare ourselves at our worst with their social media perfect snapshots. But creating a safe space for yourself is important in every aspect of your life, especially online. Realize life is a cycle of peaks and valleys, and most of us upload warped versions of ourselves at peak moments in our lives. Start by unfollowing friends or celebrities who aren't creating a positive impact on our lives.
In the end, we are our own connection back to ourselves. So next time you reach for your phone, instead opt for a book, talking to a stranger, or taking yourself on a date. Walk the streets of your city and let the world move you, undistracted, completely engulfed in its presence. Sit in a cafe and write nonsense in a journal, write and write until its not nonsense anymore. Until you know yourself, your true self, and are able to take that with you to any medium.