How to Live a Life of Intention
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What does it mean to live a life of intentions? I thought I always knew what it meant - actions purposefully calculated based on careful analyzation of a set of data, followed by mapping of every outcome and choosing the path that made the most sense. But I began to ask myself, was that a life? Or was I living a life of programmed safety?
How did I arrive here in the first place? Great question. I blame Mercury Retrograde.
And so, I kept asking myself -
How are intentions different than goals?
How are intentions different than values?
Does living a life of intention mean we know exactly what we want?
Do we only do things we’re absolutely sure about?
As I dug deeper at my life of control, I realized what I perceived as a life of intention was actually a life of anxiety-ridden analyzation. I expended useless energy thinking about stories, usually negative, which had no basis in reality.
On the other hand, when I thought about my best decisions - they came from a place of knowing. I remember the moment I decided to move to NYC. The actual decision to move happened almost instantly. I just knew I had to do it. The timing of my professional life compounded where I was mentally and spiritually made it a very easy decision. However, I spent about 6 months thinking about whether or not it was a good decision. 600 mind maps and dozens of conversations with friends and family later, I decided to pull the trigger.
Now, there is nothing wrong with thinking through a big decision. After all, I uprooted my whole life to move. But I do think I could've spent a larger portion of my time listening to my intuition and trusting myself, instead of trying to find evidence as to why it could be a bad decision.
And I can apply that logic to most of my big life-changing events. Although only perceived as great when looking at them in retrospect, my best decisions sprouted out of very confusing moments. Nothing was calculated and controlled. It was all in flux until it all naturally fell into place.
So with a couple of newfound realizations, I set out to understand how I would carry out an intentional life.
I started with the basics.
The word “intention” comes from the Latin word (inten(dere) meaning to stretch out. The word goal comes from the Latin ‘gol’ meaning “boundary or limit. So in a sense, a goal is something that needs to be completed, a process with a beginning and end, whereas an intention is a stretching of a life. Makes sense.
So I thought, what does a life of stretching mean to me? What is the belief system that keeps me in the right path?
After hours of aimlessly walking the streets of NYC, countless conversations with friends and strangers, and eons of staring into space thinking about it while I rode the subway, I have found some answers.
1. I will choose to let go of that which doesn’t serve me towards my higher good.
Trying to control the uncontrollable is useless and exhausting. For a long time, I tried to predict outcomes in an effort to minimize pain. But a result of that lifestyle also meant I wasn’t living an exciting life. A friend recently told me that taking risks and getting hurt was better than living a life of calculation because although you do get hurt, you also learn something about yourself. I think we’ve all heard or read that advice in one way or another, but advice doesn't always stick with us. Perhaps, it only sticks when divine intervention opens our senses to take in new information. For me, this was the advice I needed to hear at that very moment.
I understood life is like the weather. We can plan for it, we can create forecasting models to predict it to a certain day in the future, but ultimately, we’re at its mercy. We truly can’t predict the weather (thank you Outkast) and in the same way, we can’t predict our life.
That being said, it’s also important to recognize when someone is serving you a shit sandwich and calling it gourmet. Sometimes in an effort to be open and non-judgemental to new experiences, we may lose sight of our boundaries and expectations. Sometimes in an effort to understand ourselves, we swing too much to the left or the right, and it takes a while to find the pendulum swing that works best for our lives. So find what balance works for you.
We also need to learn to let go of all that doesn’t serve us. It means letting go even if it hurts. Even if we don’t fully understand it yet. It’s recognizing we're afraid and doing it anyway because keeping it in our lives is only weighing us down. And most importantly, it’s trusting ourselves and the universe that if it feels bad or riddles us with anxiety and panic, then it’s not worth keeping.
Learning to let go has allowed me to become a more open human being. I now understand situations and people are inherently unpredictable, and I won't always be prepared for shitty weather. And that’s ok. We’re all trying to figure it out. But because of this fact, we should expect outliers to catch us off guard once in a while.
2. Do not lie to yourself and others.
A life of learning naturally breeds a life of humility. Learning indicates we are a beginner, therefore one who needs practice, discipline, guidance, and self-compassion in order to understand and evolve.
Yes, that includes white lies. Tiny lies. Big lies. I did that in the past lies. It’s irrelevant lies. Lies about yourself and others.
I will admit, I have not succeeded 100% of the time. Sometimes I panic and lie. I want to impress a guy or bond with my neighborhood barista. I lie to myself about how much weight I can bench press which leads to having a backache for weeks. The reality is no one would know about half the lies I could say. In the grand scheme of things, they don't matter. But they matter to me.
Kurt Vonnegut said, “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be”. I believe this wholeheartedly. I don’t lie because I feel lighter when I don’t. I am left with an authentic me. Whether I like her or not, she feels truer than clothing myself with half-truths which turn into characters we then feel obligated to play.
3. I will live a life of learning and curiosity.
A life of learning naturally breeds a life of humility. Learning indicates we are a beginner, therefore one who needs practice, discipline, guidance, and self-compassion in order to understand and evolve.
A life of curiosity means looking at the world with non-judgemental awareness and openness. When we are curious we let magic enter our lives. I am more patient when I am curious. I let life unfold slowly instead of hastily trying to predict the next move. The point is the journey itself.
The more people I meet, all with their own neurosis and fears, hopes and expectations, the more careful I am to pass judgment on them. I try to have conversations, not to perfectly categorize and catalog them in my head, but to truly understand their motivations and perspective. Do I always succeed? Fuck no. Re: shit sandwich above. Sometimes people suck and that’s all there is to it. But even when we turn into angry judgemental trolls, we need compassion and kindness.
As I continue to think about how to live a life, I know a life of intentions is one of stretching - a reach for new comfort zones, of greater courage, and new experiences. Every inch may bring pain and discomfort, but with it also comes flexibility of mind and spirit. Perhaps, living a life is giving it the space to be, it's allowing it to surprise us, and to show us what we're capable of, without out limiting mind getting in the way.