How my spiritual practice helped me ask what I deserve at work

I am always curious about the various labels our system places on those who are on the spiritual path. It labels us as a sort of modern-day zen wacko, whose laissez-faire attitude can seem out of touch with reality. Our non-attachment is often interpreted as nihilism or laziness, and most of the time we are made to feel shame for our insistent hope for humanity. 

But the truth is our spirituality is often accompanied by a dark night of the soul. Because our hearts are cracked open, we see the heartbreak of the world in gruesome detail. We see everyone desperately searching for healing, unaware the lifestyle they choose is the reason for their unhappiness. More debilitating than that, and the hardest pill to swallow, is that a spiritual path doesn’t save you from having to make those same compromises yourself.

How do we operate in a system where profits, scarcity, and consistent competition are considered sacred? How do we preserve our human spirit when modern-day survival depends on feeding the things that keep us sick and tired?

There are times my instinct tells me to escape and hide in a faraway corner of the world. I’ve learned over time that’s a short term fix. The ability to escape the system is a form of privilege few of us can afford. When the stress of unpaid bills, student loans, and the need for financial safety show up, sometimes the only logical choice is how much of our spirit we are willing to trade for our security.

For all of us, but especially people of color, the system has infinite ways to keep us entangled in it. I got into debt to go to college, which immediately forced me to enter corporate America. Corporate America taught me my value was based on the sacrifices I made - the hours I clocked in, how little I slept, and the meals I skipped, all in the name of a company that would replace within a week if it needed it to.

I was on that path, then, my mom died. At first, I sought comfort in the life I had built for myself, but was met with indifference and apathy. My heartbreak somehow reflected the life I had created for myself and it was chaotic, empty, and meaningless. Through this numbing, I also cracked open in a way that clarity began to pierce through. I didn’t know how, but at the core of my being I knew that my life didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, all I had built for myself was fake, and yet somehow, the journey was precious and worth living.

Somewhere between my heartbreak and my truth, I was left with the insurmountable task of taking ownership of my life. Of daring to say “this is not it”.

And so I embarked on the fool’s journey. I submerged myself in hours of meditation, reading, and study, and psychedelics. See, I was never taught how to design a life. I was taught to lay low, follow the rules, make everyone happy, and make sure to stay out of trouble. If I was to design a life, I needed to become a student first. A student of how to live a life that fed the human spirit.

My life as a student is ever-evolving, and I have more questions than answers. But one of the hardest questions I”m still dealing with to this day is -

How do you thrive in a system that isn't designed for me in the first place?

A system designed to break your spirit.

It’s easy to escape the matrix when you’re privileged. When you have a silver spoon, you have freedom. But I know I don’t. Quitting the matrix isn’t a privilege I can afford. And I don’t know if I want to. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from psychedelic is the real work starts when you come back down to earth. I whole-heartedly believe plants give us wisdom not to hide in a cave in the Himalayas somewhere, but to confront the beasts we have created head on, and dare to transform them into something better.

How am I transforming my beast?

By believing I deserve a life of abundance.

As a Mexican American woman, I have been conditioned to believe I don’t deserve a life of abundance. Growing up, I thought financial security and career advancement were the product of immense personal sacrifice. This is not a lie that began with me. This is a lie that extends multi-generations in my family. This is a lie embedded in the fabric of my own generational trauma. My grandmother was a cotton picker. My mother didn’t graduate high school. My father has worked at the same job without a day off for 10 years! Although this speaks volumes to the work ethic of immigrants in this country, this life involves sacrifice, hard work, and toiling away without much personal gain. My ancestors have merely survived.

How do you thrive when your DNA has merely taught you how to survive?

Before you learn how to live in abundance you have to learn other equally important and never taught life lessons, such as setting boundaries, and learning the meaning of self-respect. Living in abundance energy requires you to set a strong foundation for yourself. It’s understanding not everything is worth your energy. And perhaps the most important, is believing you deserve everything you’ve ever wanted.

And see we live in a society that shames us for asking for what we want. If that wasn’t the case, we would a be experts at salary negotiation, we would all take our vacation time, and we would ask for 30% raises every year. But we don’t. And that’s by design.

Yuval Noah Harari said, "Gender is a race in which some of the runners compete only for the bronze medal." The same is true for people of color. We all know we are far from making this country an even plane field.

But there’s no sugar coating this - the surest way to help underrepresented groups is by giving them financial security and equal pay. When the system is great at lip service and little action, we owe it to ourselves to make them uncomfortable.

So what does this have to do with a spiritual practice? A spiritual practice teaches you to be your own best advocate. It teaches you that you are worth it. When you go from victim to victor, you begin to ask yourself the simple but transformative question, “why not”?

That is the moment that you use fear as your guide, not your oppressor. To become cycle breakers in this society we have to be fools. We have to stretch our comfort zones in ways our ancestors never dreamed of. I can’t promise the road will be easy, but I guarantee you it will be worth it.

So all I ask is this - in a world where the system wants you to have so little, dare to have it all.