Do You Know How You Like Your Eggs?
Huh? That’s right. How do you like your eggs?
She didn't, and it didn't really work out for her.
Most of the time, we’re wrong about everything - about our assumptions, first impressions, and interpretation of the world. Our initial discernment of the present is more about our past experiences, trauma, and social constructs because ultimately, we can’t analyze the object without taking into consideration the subject.
This is why self-inquiry is important - it forces us to stress test our assumptions and initial conclusions of the world. For me, meditation offered me the tools to begin doing that. As I kept practicing, my confidence regarding my interpretation of my reality faded. At first, these slight challenges seemed foreign to me and were immediately cut off by my panicked stricken ego. *queue my anxious-ridden, insecure self*, of course, I need to buy a house! Who quits their job to travel the world! What are people going to think?! I DEFINITELY need the latest Roomba! It’s completely normal to work 90 hour weeks and I feel I’m going to pass out any second!
But as time went on, my ego, who I lovingly refer as ‘Tammi”, began to lose steam, and those initial challenges settled in for longer periods of time. I began to ask myself why I did certain things, decisions that seemed obviously correct didn’t seem so anymore, and I slowly began to change. I began to free myself from my own mind and over imposed rules, restrictions I had bestowed upon myself for no reason but to keep me contained. As I slowly cleared the junk from my mind - the limiting beliefs, generational trauma, bad habits, rom-com endings, I began to think, “Well, what the hell do I want to do?”
This changed my life. So why didn’t I do this sooner? Why did it take me such a long time to find my way?
At first, I had no clue. It was like that part in Runaway Bride, where Julia Roberts doesn’t know how she likes her eggs and ends up liking whatever her boyfriends like. I didn’t know if I didn’t like certain things because that aligned with my values or because I had built an identity around them. For example, I always prided myself on being an extrovert - the life of the party, the loudest one in the room, the last one to leave. But I also found all those things exhausting. I didn’t want to be that person 100% of the time, but somehow I felt I had to. Now I know what you’re thinking - “Itzett, are you saying you had an existential crisis over parties?” Correct. However, this also extended to areas of my life that truly mattered. By questioning my habits and overall life choices, I began to shift towards a life where I appreciate my solitude, solo travel, moved to a new city, reassessed my values and boundaries, and thought about the qualities I sought in friends and lovers.
This changed my life. So why didn’t I do this sooner? Why did it take me such a long time to find my way?
Because asking for what we want takes vulnerability. The question itself implies you believe you deserve it in the first place and that on its own, is extremely courageous. Now, let’s be clear - it takes more than a mental exercise to change your life. It takes a certain standard of living to be able to follow that calling in the first place, and not everyone has that privilege. But asking what we want doesn’t have to be a life-changing decision. We can choose to be better listeners, better sons or daughters, lead a healthier lifestyle, or help others in any way we can. Tolstoy said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”So really, this is a question we ask not to delude ourselves creating wild unattainable dreams, but to have an honest conversation with ourselves, and ask what power do we have into changing the outcome of our lives.
If it all seems too foreign or too overwhelming, start with your eggs in the morning. Have an opinion on how you like them, not because you are a rigid, unadaptable person, but because that may be the catalyst to understanding yourself and the kind of impact you want to make in this world.